Moderna’s Covid-19 vaccination, which the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) approved on 18 December, may cause recipients to experience an extremely rare but potentially lethal side effect—Monsterism, a degenerative disease that ravages a victim with physical and mental deformities.
A Moderna whistleblower speaking under condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation said 3 of the 30,000 trial candidates began showing symptoms of the horrible disease shortly after receiving the second dose of the two-part vaccination. Since half of all volunteers were given a placebo, the true number of afflicted was 3 in 15,000, or 0.02%, and while that figure might seem statistically insignificant, it is critical because, our source said, Moderna concealed the unintended side effect from both the FDA and the volunteers who had not yet received the second inoculation. The US government sponsored Moderna’s vaccine to the tune of one billion dollars.
The first symptomatic victim telephoned Moderna two days following the vaccination. He complained of headaches, nausea, unusual body hair growth, and upper abdominal post-prandial extensions; a Moderna representative assured him the symptoms were “normal and nothing to worry about,” but instructed him to seek medical attention at a local emergency room if symptoms persisted into the next morning.
“The patient—I’ll call him James—rushed to the ER the next morning. He was fucked. His head had grown three times its normal size, and his face was covered in warts that oozed a gelatinous, green puss. On top of that, every tooth in his mouth literally exploded. He was rushed to a COVID-19 isolation ward, where over the next several hours he grew fur from head to toe. He looked like Chewbacca,” our source said.
French Billionaire and Moderna CEO Stephan Bancel refused to believe his company’s vaccination was responsible for James’s “sudden transformation,” and allegedly told clinicians that medical screening must have missed an underlying condition. He decided at once to strike any mention of the incident from public record and cautioned employees against violating signed non-disclosure and non-disparagement agreements. Bancel “donated” an undisclosed sum of money to several hospital administrators in exchange for their silence, promising that James’s case would be an isolated incident.
But two weeks later it happened again. A thirty-two-year-old woman checked herself into a local ER after coming down with a case of the fits after getting her second injection. While under observation, the female patient grew tufts of hair on her back and boils on her face, and days later her cranium doubled in size, leading physicians to believe she had contracted a rare tropical disease.
“When her fingernails fell out and she grew talons, the staff knew they had a serious problem,” our source said. “The woman got violent. She could no longer speak, not as we understand speech, and began clawing at hospital staff. They restrained her, but not before a nurse was grievously wounded. The woman was flown to the same place as the first victim. I believe they’ve expired, though I’m not certain.”
Moderna’s upper echelons, he added, concluded that a potential side effect of the vaccine is biological regression, or “Monsterism,” an irreversible process by which a homousian devolves into a Cro-Magnon or Neanderthal. The 28-billion-dollar pharmaceutical conglomerate has buried evidence of Monsterism to prevent its stock—which has quadrupled in value during the pandemic—from tanking.
This developing story will be updated as is appropriate.