Biden Blames Trump for Winter Storm Uri

The man who calls himself President Joe Biden sank to a new low on Monday, blaming Donald Trump for a winter storm that has paralyzed a nation and frozen solid every state from Maine to Texas, according to an administration source speaking under condition of anonymity.

On Monday, Biden and the White House Council of Economic Advisors spent a whole 20 minutes discussing Winter Storm Uri’s economic impact on the country. The prolonged blast of arctic air has strained the national power grid and threatened to spike energy prices from coast to coast.

Biden, our source said, blamed his usual scapegoat, Donald Trump, for the storm’s unprecedented size and strength, claiming without evidence that Uri was a product of Trump’s environmental policies.

Biden asserted, absurdly, that Trump’s decision to revitalize West Virginia’s coal industry—which Barack Hussein Obama destroyed—was directly responsible for Uri’s manifestation.

“His statement was absolutely ludicrous,” our source said. “He said that if Trump hadn’t withdrawn from the Paris Accords, the storm wouldn’t have happened. He was struggling to stay awake, it looked like, and he stuttered through his words. He made it sound as if Trump waved a magic want to start the storm. He insulted not only Trump, but also leaders of both Red and Blue states concerned about the storm’s impact.”

Biden and his chief economic advisor, Neena Tandren, discussed a telephone call they’d had with Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who is certainly no stranger to natural disasters and likened Uri to a wintertime Hurricane Harvey.

“Abbott didn’t call Biden. It was vice versa. Biden preemptively called Abbott to tell him he wasn’t getting any federal aid to offset damage from the storm. Abbott seemed perplexed, and obviously had no plans to ask Biden for anything,” our source said.

At a televised presser on Monday, Abbott said the massive power outages that left millions in the dark were caused by private power companies that “fell short,” but never mentioned a need for federal relief.

After the Biden-Abbott telephone call, Biden remarkably told his economic advisors that Greg Abbott, Donald Trump, and their oil-rich friends deserved a “taste of the cold because they have enough heat as it is” and ruminated aloud over how he hoped temporarily shuttered oil refineries would become permanent closures.

“This is proof oil doesn’t work, and we need to invest heavily in green energy. I’m from Scranton, you know, I know what cold is. Now he [?] does too. Let him freeze a bit,” Biden reportedly said.

If his comment was directed at his predecessor, Biden must not have realized that Donald Trump is warm and toasty at Mar-a-Lago, as Florida is one of few states to have escaped Uri’s icy grip.

His comments seemed surreal because Texas, though historically a Red State, has seen substantial Democratic growth in the last decade, and the state’s four largest cities—Austin, Dallas, Houston, and San Antonio—are ruled by authoritarian Democratic city councils and county judges, the very people Biden panders to.