White Hats Destroy FEMA’s EBS

United States Army Rangers on Wednesday upset FEMA’s scheduled emergency broadcast and destroyed the central transmitter, but only after the wicked agency activated an alert that could have exposed patriots to federal harassment, a source in General Eric M. Smith’s office told Real Raw News.

As reported last month, news that FEMA created a new emergency action system caught White Hats by surprise; they had captured FEMA’s Mount Weather stronghold and its EBS, in service since 1976, in March 2022 and did not think the agency had the manpower and resources to erect a replacement so swiftly, while the bulk of its leadership were drafting blueprints for smart FEMA camps and plotting to terrorize future victims of the upcoming hurricane seasons.

FEMA’s perfunctory announcement—the Deep State habitually telegraphs its intent—prompted the White Hat Council to orchestrate a massive hunt for the EBS’s control center and primary tower. The search, which paused missions in progress, required deploying thousands of boots on the ground as U.S. Army Cyber Command and Marine Corps Forces Cyberspace Command diligently monitored Deep State chatter from D.C. to California and beyond.

And chatter they heard. A puzzling blend of incomprehensible babble meant to confound White Hat efforts. Throughout September, FEMA conspicuously mentioned 24 cities in 16 states; White Hats interpreted the unencrypted prattle as misdirection, red herrings aimed at forcing them to waste valuable time and assets. Nonetheless, General Smith sent troops to three alleged locations, which held traps—squads of trigger-happy FEMA goons eager to squeeze off a few rounds at valiant Marines. In each case, though, the Marines outsmarted the dimwitted feds, killing 36 in total and taking five prisoners, and in one engagement that took place in Roanoke, Virginia, a cowardly federal supervisor, the sole survivor of a blistering firefight, stood amid his bullet-filled comrades, windmilling his arms in the air, shouting, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I give up!”

White Hats aggressively interrogated the prisoners, but none, including the supervisor, admitted to knowing the location of the EBS.

“They didn’t know or were taught to resist interrogation. Waterboarding is effective, so we think they’re telling the truth,” our source said.

ARCYBER, he added, even intercepted a message claiming the EBS was in Ukraine, but Gen. Smith dismissed the idea as folly. Although the Deep State’s presence in Zelenskyy’s backyard is undeniable, FEMA has historically limited its operational scope to the United States and its protectorates.

In mid-September, federal “5th Columnists” approached the general’s office with the purported whereabouts of the EBS. However, their intel complicated the already exhausting search, for each of the four “5th Columnists” supplied contradictory details, leading White Hats to conclude the diabolical feds were intentionally seeding disinformation within their ranks, possibly to ferret out traitors among them. The locations were “the vicinities of” Denver, CO; Carrington, ND; Marietta, GA; and Baker City, OR.

Having no other concrete or anecdotal leads, Gen. Smith and the White Hat Council posted expeditionary forces from the Marine Corps and 75th Ranger Regiment in each city, while ARCYBER and White Hats at Space Force Command scrutinized satellite imagery for signs of recently built structures and cell towers.

“It was a shot in the dark since FEMA could easily repurpose existing ones,” our source said.

Meanwhile, the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment flew surveillance missions over the four cities.

As the task force indefatigably continued the hunt, ARCYBER informed Gen. Smith that it could triangulate the transmission source and jam or terminate the signal, but only after FEMA initiated the test.

“So, our only choice is the worst. [FEMA Director] Deanne Criswell could use that thing to instigate a new Civil War,” Gen. Smith said.

Among the White Hat’s greatest fears was FEMA using the EBS to falsify a message from President Trump or the military encouraging patriots to immediately arm themselves, lock-and-load, and storm government buildings from coast-to-coast in response to the Biden regime’s declaration of Martial Law and national disarmament, entrapping them as it had done to J6ers. A certain now-discredited “5th Columnist” had told Gen. Smith the EBS would make “cellphones explode” and cause “brain hemorrhages.”

“While acoustic weapons are a reality, we’ve heard no reports of that happening,” our source said. “A far more likely scenario is the EBS causing phones to pingback GPS coordinates, install malicious software, that sort of nefarious activity. Contrary to online rumors, it would never cause a zombie apocalypse. Unfortunately, search efforts were futile, so we had to wait and hope for the best.”

FEMA’s EBS sent a screeching signal to millions of phones yesterday at 2:21 p.m. EST, but the chirping lasted only six seconds, not the 35 seconds for which FEMA had hoped. ARCYBER isolated and tracked the source to an electrical power substation two miles south of Golden, Colorado, and jammed the transmission. Twenty minutes later, four Ranger chalks descended on the substation, where FEMA agents masquerading as utility workers came dashing out of a maintenance building and a mobile command center. They ran straight into a hailstorm of gunfire from Rangers who had rappelled to the ground and from the door-gunner on an MH-60 Blackhawk.

When the smoke cleared, 17 FEMA agents lay dead in their own blood.

Rangers entered the building and demolished the transmitter, our source said.

FEMA’s engineers, he explained, had found a way to convert the substation’s complex maze of transformers, relays, conductors, and gridwork into a makeshift antenna that pulsed a 5G signal to nearby cell towers, starting the cycle.

“We were expecting a fortified bunker or subterranean fortress like at Mount Weather, you know, something that cost tens or hundreds of millions of dollars to make. But nope, they cobbled it together in the open and on the cheap, and that’s a problem because if they did it once, they could do it again,” our source said.

In closing, he said two Rangers sustained minor injuries and are expected to recover.

Edit: fixed repelled to rappelled. Thanks astute readers.

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