Putin Executes Defiant 5G Executives

On Vladimir Putin’s orders, Russian Armed Forces on Friday executed a roomful of Telecom executives who eschewed Putin’s 5G moratorium and began raising a new 5G tower in Moscow’s opulent Ramenki District, an elite neighborhood with the corresponding price tag for real estate.

As reported last week, Putin banned 5G throughout the Russian Federation and dismantled existing towers in Russia’s three largest cities—Moscow, St. Petersburg, and Novosibirsk—citing reports that electromagnetic frequencies had killed school children. At an earlier meeting, an agent with Putin’s Presidential Protection Force shot an MTS Telecom executive dead for questioning the Russian president’s authority.

On Friday morning, a dozen more MTS executives shared his fate, FSB agent Andrei Zakharov told Real Raw News.

He added that they were doomed to die the moment they contracted a trucking firm to haul flatbeds filled with steel latticework to the same spot in Ramenki where the Engineer Troops of the Russian Federation had toppled a tower ten days earlier.

Immediately following Thursday’s sunrise, three flatbeds carrying steel and cement pulled alongside a field that still held wreckage from the fallen tower. MTS Telecom work crews cleared debris, then poured a cement base upon which their new metallic monstrosity would stand. Within an hour, Moscow police arrived and questioned the foreman and an MTS structural engineer about why they were erecting a new 100-foot spire in contravention of Putin’s anti-5G mandate. The foreman produced a building permit purportedly signed by Moscow Mayor Sergey Sobyanin, authorizing the construction of a 4G tower to replace the demolished 5G one. The MTS guy insisted he had obtained all required permits and assured police that the trucks did not carry 5G telecommunications equipment.

Nonetheless, the police ordered him to cease and desist until their superiors could validate the paperwork, for they had yet to receive notice. Several officers stayed on site to ensure the crews complied with instructions. As the crews meandered about impatiently, the MTS executive told police he had forgotten to give them a critical license and asked permission to retrieve it from his vehicle. It wasn’t a license but a petition purportedly signed by 50,000 Moscow residents demanding the reinstatement of 5G technology in Moscow.

“Show this to your bosses,” he told the cops.

At noon, the other Moscow police returned to the site, accompanied by a Federal Communications Agency representative who wanted to inspect the transmission nodes that would eventually be affixed to the tower. He was told the devices were in a warehouse and wouldn’t be brought to the location until the tower was finished.

When the FCA rep said, “Take me to this warehouse,” the MTS executive got jittery and said that although he would usually be delighted to do so, he had no key to open the warehouse doors.

“I have a key,” said the FCA rep, displaying a pair of bolt cutters.

He and the police escorted the MTS rep to a warehouse a few miles south of the site, at which point he snapped the lock and saw a structure brimming with 5G cell site nodes.

“This is 5G! 5G is outlawed,” the FCA rep said, and the police detained the nervous MTS representative.

“No. No. This is a mistake. I was told this is 4G. This must be wrong warehouse,” he protested as police carted him off.

On Friday morning, an infantry platoon from Russia’s 58th Combined Arms Army stormed MTS’ Moscow headquarters, barging into an office where twelve MTS officials sat around a circular conference table and stared at 5G infrastructure schematics.

Spent cartridges hit the floor as the sound of Kalashnikov fire filled the chamber, fingers depressing triggers until magazines were depleted and the nine male and three female officials were dead.

“They were warned,” Zakharov told RRN. “And this serves warning to others who defy President Putin. There will be no 5G poison in Russia.”

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